His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
