ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
