How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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