I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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