I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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