well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have already put on my inside pants.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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