It's like God shit irony all over that family
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
