i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
