have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
