I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
