The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
