I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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