The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
and she was petting her beer can
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
