I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
