mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
