you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
