gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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