Me too!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
