They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
