It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
