He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
