...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
