listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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