Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
