i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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