You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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