I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
