i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
