Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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