Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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