Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
