I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
