I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
