i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
