Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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