They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
