I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i barfeds in our rink
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
