i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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