i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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