i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's the barista slut.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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