i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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