Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
