My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
