Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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