my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
