so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
