Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
