If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
