i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
