she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Itβs like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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