Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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