i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
