69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
