The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
