Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
