Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
My pussy is not your playground.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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