I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
