Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
