apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I forget how to act sober
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
